41. Beelzebub was having a decidedly off-day

Beelzebub was having a decidedly off-day. Hell was having its coldest winter in eons, his most recent plan to enslave humankind was temporarily put on the backburner due to budget overruns and now it transpired that Jesus Christ’s comeback tour was outselling his own Hellzapoppin’ extravaganza by a considerable margin. Normally the evil overlord would counter his mounting depression with some mindless sadistic torture but all the fun had been sucked out of that since Hell had been overrun with lawyers all too willing to countersue.

Walking amid the furnaces he contemplated throwing in the towel. Running Hell wasn’t the great job it once had been. How he longed for the days when he didn’t have to fight unions on a daily basis, the Catholic Church could still be counted on to reach its quota of heretics and any harm he inflicted on his tortured souls didn’t seem peanuts compared to the Patriot Act.

A couple of centuries ago he had almost handed over the reins to Hell to his eldest son, but he’d backtracked at the last minute and fed him to the dogs instead. If he hadn’t done that someone else could have sorted out this bloody mess while the Prince of Darkness sipped hot lava in the porn actress section of the underworld. Maybe he should call it a day, Beelzebub pondered. See how they’ll like that.

So the next morning he officially resigned from his post, packed his bags and was never seen again. After a brief period of confusion and turmoil, an accountancy firm acquired a controlling majority of the underworld and put forward plans to cut costs, maximise profits and increase brand recognition among Hell’s residents. As Beelzebub had foreseen in his cunning move, the place would never be more insufferable.



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11 thoughts on “41. Beelzebub was having a decidedly off-day

  1. And thus humanity realised that ‘Hell’ was actually just a different name for being ‘on Earth’? I like what you’ve done here its an interesting take on what Hell might be like; very anthropomorphic.

  2. Certainly makes one think=)

  3. KyannaKitt says:

    This was hilarious. I laughed the whole way through. I love your blo.g Thank you vfor visiting mine, and you definitely have new subscriber/follower.

  4. I always love your twists at the end.

  5. I enjoyed this, very funny.

  6. Julian Neuer says:

    Well done!

    This reminds me a little of Primo Levi’s “Il Sesto Giorno” (“The Sixth Day”), a short story that appeared in 1966 in the book “Storie Naturali” (and later in English in the collection “The Sixth Day and Other Tales”).

    The main difference is that “Il Sesto Giorno” happens in Heaven, but the spirit (!) is the same.

  7. About your endings. Keep up the great job:


    (Title not redundant. Finale bc it was the end of that series)

  8. I love this. Work based on Hell and Heaven always interests me – to me, they’re ripe for fantasy storytelling and/or satire because they’re sort of like ready-made alternate dimensions you can create within. I have a story in a similar vane on my blog (though much longer than your concise and condensed 300 words).

  9. jSeunnasepp says:

    Reblogged this on jseunnasepp and commented:

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