65. Terrible chat-up line number one

Terrible chat-up line number one: are you free tonight or will it cost me?

That one lands me a gin tonic in the face. Note to self: never start with a prostitute reference. Surely the night can only improve from here on in?

So I walk over to the dance floor and make my move on a busty brunette shaking her bubble-butt. Our eyes connect and at the end of the song she follows me to the bar where I correctly guess she’s in the mood for a cosmo. Words have not been uttered up to that point. Just glances that imply that if I play my cards right I get lucky.

Enter terrible chat-up line number two. I’m new in town, can you give me directions to your apartment?

Clearly unimpressed by my improv skills the brunette finishes the cosmo in a single chug. This is getting more pathetic by the minute.

I’m willing to throw in the towel when I overhear the macho next to me hitting on a redhead.

“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”

It is a terrible, terrible chat-up line. The third of the evening but at least it’s not me saying it. Yet the redhead plunges her tongue into his mouth, grabs his hand and guides him to the exit.

“Wow! I can’t believe that worked!” I stammer to myself.

“She’s a slut,” explains a voice next to me. “She’d made up her mind before he said a thing.”

The voice belongs to an elegant blonde with bright blue eyes that beg for a witty reply.

“A shame the same trick won’t work on you then,” I say.

The blonde smiles. She’s made up her mind.



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7 thoughts on “65. Terrible chat-up line number one

  1. That is a great work of FICTION if ever I saw one LOL

  2. Danny James says:

    You are on a roll. I loved it: “note to self” starting me laughing. I’ll have to try chat up line number 2. Never have used that one.


  3. John says:

    Chat-up lines … they rank right along side of going to the dentist, and job interviews … 🙂

  4. pesoup says:

    Terrible text: I was at a three-day conference in Cleveland. The second night trolleys took attendees from the hotel, where they were staying, to a museum for a social event. I texted my friends (also at the conference): ” I’m loaded and ready to party.” I meant that I was on the trolley and on my way to the museum.

  5. […] 65. Terrible chat-up line number one (300stories.wordpress.com) […]

  6. I enjoyed the flow of that chat up conversation and I gotta say, women always make up their minds even before the man has spoken so spot on.

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