94. You can cure me, right?

 “You can cure me, right?”

The psychiatrist pretended to polish her glasses.

“It’ll take time. Patience. Perseverance. But yes, I think I can cure you. You haven’t lapsed a single time since you sat down on that sofa for example. That tells me there is hope.”

The patient expressed his gratitude through a subtle tear rolling from his eye and – later – by writing a big fat check for twelve more sessions at doctor Monroe’s.

“So what was his problem?” her secretary asked.

“You remember that leaflet about protecting the bees the government stuffed into every mailbox in town not that long ago?”

“Bee a friend.”

“You recall the title, hey?”

“It’s a nice pun.”

“Well, apparently he’s the guy that wrote it. Big shot copywriter. Great at witty puns. Trouble is, he can’t stop punning anymore. Every time he hears the word bee or honey or even pollen he just has to make a wisecrack. It’s driving him mad. And the ones around him. His closest colleague jumped out of a fifth story window last week. When he went to the funeral he told the widow it must ‘sting’ to lose your husband.”

“Ouch.”

“They are a special kind of crazy these copywriters. Who’s my three o’clock?”

“Mrs. Peterson.”

“Good. I’ll enjoy that. She always waxes lyrically about her problems.”

“Yeah, she’s a honey.”

The disease was spreading. Soon it would hold dominion over all.

 

cover

Did you enjoy this story? Then why not try the 101 stories in 300 words or less in YOU’RE GETTING SLEEPY, THE HYPNOTIST’S APPRENTICE YAWNED.

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8 thoughts on “94. You can cure me, right?

  1. acflory says:

    Very clever. 🙂

  2. adjpants says:

    Amazing as always.

  3. uw collega says:

    Great to be the inspiration for this story. 🙂

  4. coolperson1 says:

    Reblogged this on Cool lady blog and commented:
    Very short and funny

  5. hehe enjoyed. reminds me of the movie Pontypool a little.

  6. A Mugwump says:

    Reblogged this on Captain's Log and commented:
    Read first, then admire.

    • A Mugwump says:

      I just wanted to say that this story contains simultaneously the sharpest criticism and profound instruction of our use of language that I’ve ever read. Nice work.

  7. D. Handler says:

    This is brilliant, what a clever story! Good to see it’s getting a bit of buzz too.

    Oh God no….no….

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