Reporting anything unusual won’t hurt you, read the Tube poster. So I tapped the girl next to me on the shoulder and told her the most unusual thing I knew: if you eat a polar bear’s liver you will die.
Unfortunately the girl needed a couple of seconds to remove the iPod plugs from her ears. She therefore only caught my final three words. Alarmed she sprayed mace it into my eyes before kicking me hard in the nuts.
It took me three passing Tube trains to recover. As I stepped onto the next train, bemoaning my blind faith in a poster slogan, a fellow traveller asked about my reddened eyes. I told him my story and stated my intention never to report anything unusual again.
“Why does a polar bear’s liver kill you?” the traveller wanted to know.
“Apparently it contains so much vitamin A that our digestive system cannot cope,” I said.
This time reporting the unusual fact didn’t hurt me. Alas the same couldn’t be said for the traveller’s obnoxious wife, who a few weeks later sank her teeth into some exotic chopped liver, lovingly prepared by her grinning husband.
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