It hurts me to hurt her.
I know she’s probably crying herself to sleep right now. Like she did last night and the night before, no doubt. Lamenting that I don’t call. But she leaves me no choice. Though it breaks my heart.
There’s just no way I can forgive her if she doesn’t see that she’s wrong on this one. What she did was inexcusable. Had anybody else done it, it would have been sayonara for good. She should count her blessings that she’s family. That she gets another chance.
But she’ll have to earn it. No more vague ‘we can work it out’. No more ‘and let that be the last we speak of it’. I will take nothing but a firm excuse. A sign that she knows what she did was wrong. A promise that it will never, ever happen again.
I have thought about calling her. It’s been ten days after all. I don’t think I’ve ever gone that long without talking to her. It seems weird. Unnatural even. But I must persist. Or she will never learn. Or she will lose me for good.
The text message at five to midnight reads ‘we should talk it over’. It doesn’t say ‘I’m sorry’.
It doesn’t. She might wear me down, but for now my heart is a stone.
Though I might cry myself to sleep tonight.
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