144. One in five

One in five people admitted to having watched kiddie porn.

One in five.

When the item was bandied about in the newsroom that afternoon, the mere mention of the survey had invoked stunned silence.

The anchor’s mind had wandered to his friends, his family. Statistically speaking twenty percent of them was an inexcusable pervert and he couldn’t cope with that.

As the day progressed and it became clear the survey would be the lead-off story of the evening news, the anchor gradually became incensed. He thought about his grandchildren and how some sweaty ugly man could be lusting after them as they spoke. He had to get round to the cold fact that as long as there was a market for it – and the survey proved there was one, an unfathomably large one even – children would be sexually abused. It disgusted him. More than anything had disgusted him in a very long time.

The run-up to ten o’clock was not all that different from other nights. There were the same last-minute alterations to the running order. There was the link-up to Baghdad that wasn’t working quite yet but – “don’t worry” – would be by the time they’d go live. Yet there was also a palpable tension, an outrage waiting to be vented.

The final seconds ticked away before the leader was beamed to millions of households across the country. When the camera swayed his way, the anchor, now visibly enraged, decided to ignore the the full stop between the second word and the third, replacing it knowingly with a comma.

Hence the nation was greeted with:

“Good evening, paedophiles.”



Did you enjoy this story? Then why not try the 101 stories in 300 words or less in YOU’RE GETTING SLEEPY, THE HYPNOTIST’S APPRENTICE YAWNED.

Available at the Createspace Store, at amazon.com, amazon.co.uk or any other Amazon store in your territory.  E-book is also available.

Tagged , , , , ,

5 thoughts on “144. One in five

  1. uw collega says:

    lolderdelol. I wonder how I will be greeted next week …

  2. drakulus23 says:

    I actually deal with this everyday. I have two baby girls and i’ve caught men looking at them while we sat in Mcdonalds before. I wanted to punch them in the face.

  3. Ryan says:

    You’re stories NEVER fail for me. Loved it.

  4. A great story about an atrocious statistic.

  5. Tanya says:

    Although the message behind the story is no laughing matter, I love the way you somehow made me laugh. You never fail to entertain me and open my eyes to the world. The real world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: