192. Boo Boo Snicklefretz

Boo Boo Snicklefretz believed every word she read. And thus she was convinced on Monday that global warming was nonsense, on Tuesday that it was an undeniable fact and on Wednesday that the weather might be a tad warmer than usual but at least that was better than a tad colder. In short: her gullibility was mostly harmless.

That all changed on February 9th, when in the back pages of the Kingston County Chronicle she came across her own obituary. Clearly this was a mistake most people would have laughed off as just a grim joke, but for Boo Boo Snicklefretz it triggered an existential crisis.

How was it possible, she pondered, that she was dead, while at the same time she was enjoying jam on toast? She was also still breathing, which for someone without a pulse, was quite a feat. And yet there it was, in black ink on white paper: Boo Boo Snicklefretz, aged eighty-eight, untimely taken from us.

Perhaps she was a ghost. But then, would not she be translucent? For in everything she had ever read ghosts were always see-through. They were also mostly nasty and cruel, which Boo Boo Snicklefretz, even now she was dead, certainly was not.

So for a brief moment she considered the paper might be wrong, only to laugh it off immediately. Why, if it was wrong about her demise, wouldn’t it also be wrong about it being a tad warmer day than usual, which it was? No, she was dead alright.

Luckily she had a shotgun stowed away in case of emergency.

Equally lucky, after scattering her brains all over the paper, she was no longer able to read the factual error in her obituary, which categorically stated she died of a heart attack.

 

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5 thoughts on “192. Boo Boo Snicklefretz

  1. Good thing she didn’t get to the end of her obituary! She would’ve had quite a difficult time giving herself a heart attack.

  2. Black humour, my favorite childhood nickname (Snicklefritz), and a Sunday morning howl: Thank you!

  3. babylondogs says:

    I humbly offer that some of the words can be trimmed (unsolicited advice, I know). I’m sure it hasn’t yet been revised. Despite this, what a great piece. I like all of what I have read of yours, but this one might be the best yet.

    • Yeah, time to write has been a bit hard to come by of late, so revising the stories has suffered a bit. But thanks for liking it anyway 😉

      • babylondogs says:

        I hope I didn’t come across arrogantly. It is really quite good. And in regards to your entire site, I want to say: You have inspired me. I have paid closer attention to my own narrative work and have discovered flash fiction. I have been trying my hand at this genre, thanks to you. Thank you.

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