Tag Archives: aliens

309. Don’t worry, we have abandoned anal probing long ago

“Don’t worry, we have abandoned anal probing long ago,” the alien comforted him.

Hogan breathed a sigh of relief. The first thing that had sprung to mind after the tractor beam had swooped him up from the corn field were those stories the National Inquirer ran about abductees and their ordeal.

Still, Hogan was not quite confident yet that the alien meant no harm. He was still lying on his belly on a cold operating table after all, his hands and feet firmly strapped to the sides to prohibit any movement.

“Why did you take me?” Hogan asked.

“Oh, we like Ohio,” the alien said. “You are a friendly people. Don’t make much fuss. Once we beamed up a New Yorker. Never again, I can tell you that. Never. Again.”

Hogan heard clattering metal but from his position could not make out what exactly caused the sound.

“You weren’t lying about the probing, were you?”

“Would an advanced race like ours really travel light years just to ram a rod up an Ohio farmer’s anus?”

The clattering continued.

“So why did you travel to Earth?”

“To test a theory.”

“What theory?”

“If I told you, that would ruin it.”

The sound of metal on metal. Again.

“About that anal probing…” he said.

“We’re not doing that, I told you.”

Hogan’s nerves weren’t settling, despite the alien’s soothing voice.

“Then what are you doing?”

“I can’t tell you.”

Yet more clattering. Hogan snapped.

“For the love of God, I think I’d actually prefer to have that probe up my ass!”

The alien smiled, turned towards his colleague and collected the hundred credits.

“Told you they actually like this,” he said as he prepared the big metal rod for insertion.

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202. Drone 682 to spaceport twelve

“Drone 682 to spaceport twelve.”

In the giant hangar the drone came to life. It had been slumbering in a forgotten corner for years, hidden between bigger robots, never being called upon to do the task it was purpose-built for. But with those five words its boosters charged, the red lights that dotted its spherical body lit up and with a mighty buzz it lifted itself from the floor.

The path to spaceport twelve was not something that was hard-wired into the drone’s circuits. It had to rely on the digital pings that were being beamed through cyberspace once every second. Ping, turn left. Ping, straight ahead. Ping.

In the enormous hallways, the drone passed several robots – cleaning machines, sometimes repair-drones – but no humans. Had the drone been capable of artificial intelligence, it would have found this puzzling. Andromeda-7 was an exoworld after all, constructed to house the billions who excavated the precious ores in the nebula.

The pings came faster now, so drone 682 could safely navigate its way past the scattered debris of the exploded spaceport eighty-one. Its destination was  now directly in front of it: spaceport twelve, one of the oldest of the lot, but still brimming with ships waiting to travel to Earth through the wormhole at its centre.

Ships, not man-made, but alien.

Drone 682 positioned itself in the middle of the port and though it was attacked immediately by the alien vessels, it did not budge and – as planned – opened its belly, releasing the fission bomb into the wormhole.

The surviving alien ships, their envious eyes still bent towards Earth, turned towards the next wormhole.

Through the speakers in the hangar, a message echoed.

“Drone 683 to spaceport 541.”

The drone came to life.

 

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Did you enjoy this story? Then why not try the 101 stories in 300 words or less in YOU’RE GETTING SLEEPY, THE HYPNOTIST’S APPRENTICE YAWNED.

Available at the Createspace Store, at amazon.com, amazon.co.uk or any other Amazon store in your territory.  E-book is also available.

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107. The invaders will return to annihilate us

The invaders will return to annihilate us. Any moment now. They will come in their giant spaceships by the millions, toting superior weapons. We will lose. Life on our planet will cease to exist. And the handful that might survive will undoubtedly be enslaved by the aliens. Or used as guinea pigs in science experiments.

 

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Read the rest of the tale and 100 more stories in 300 words or less in YOU’RE GETTING SLEEPY, THE HYPNOTIST’S APPRENTICE YAWNED.

Available at the Createspace Store, at amazon.com, amazon.co.uk or any other Amazon store in your territory.  E-book is also available.

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35. Bring us to Beethoven and Chuck Berry

Bring us to Beethoven and Chuck Berry.

Those were the first words the aliens uttered when they landed in the middle of Tien An Men Square. The dignitaries explained that both Beethoven and Chuck Berry had been long dead, but they were sure today’s music would also please the visitors. So they rounded up Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars, who performed an endearing medley of their classic, poppy songs.

Earth was doomed.

 

cover

Did you enjoy this story? Then why not try the 101 stories in 300 words or less in YOU’RE GETTING SLEEPY, THE HYPNOTIST’S APPRENTICE YAWNED.

Available at the Createspace Store, at amazon.com, amazon.co.uk or any other Amazon store in your territory.  E-book is also available.

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