Tag Archives: wordplay

207. Your luminescent disposition

Your luminescent disposition and affectionate temperament fill the realm of my existence with an ecstasy that cannot be designated in too euphoric an axiom, he said in an uncommon outburst of romance.

All she could think was that romance was not what it used to be since he started working for the OED.

 

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194. Kaiser Wilhelm

Kaiser Wilhelm had long set his eyes on England, the glorious isle his ancestors had coveted for centuries. And with his military prowess growing by the minute, embellished by the outlandish steam-age contraptions of Count Von Zeppelin, conquest was closer at hand than ever.

The one thing that kept the Kaiser from invading immediately was the acerbic English wit.

 

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176. Sax ad, noun

Sax ad, noun: personal ad that disguises itself as something equally fun and freewheeling but rather less lurid.

The word was printed on page 2,954 of the Oxford English Dictionary – and thus had some credence to it – yet it was a phantom, inserted for the specific purpose of tracing blatant plagiarism in other dictionaries.

So it was quite a surprise to Averick Ghormenghoul, literary phenomenon and main OED contributor, to come across the word during his daily rummage through the tabloid back pages, in a bland typeface, undistinguishable from the personals that surrounded it:

‘SAX AD – woman (27) looking for man to jazz together. Age irrelevant, mastery of instrument paramount. Experience a plus.’

The ad read like a joke yet seemed serious as well. Averick was rather curious: why would a 27-year-old place this ad in-between dozens of overtly less cryptic ones? And what kind of man would react? He wanted to find out desperately.

So he picked up the phone and dialled the number. At the other end of the line a hoarse yet youthful voice replied.

“I’m calling about the sax ad.”

“You feel like jamming?”

“I do.”

“You have a sound instrument?”

He did. He’d been playing saxophone since he was eleven. If that was what she meant.

“Be here at nine. You got a pen?”

Averick scribbled the address down. It was in an upscale part of town.

“Will there be other … jammers?”

“Just you and me. You did get that from the ad, right?”

She hung up before Averick could answer. He was still none the wiser, though he had an inkling.

At half past eight he left the house.

His saxophone never left the patio cupboard, but Averick made some beautiful jazz that night.

 

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142. It is possible

It is possible

To end the killing.

My grandfather must be stopped

I will go back forty years in time because

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

 

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11. Eugenie Littlewhite mostly told the truth

Eugenie Littlewhite mostly told the truth once you filtered out the damned lies. For the jury that smidge of earnestness was enough to acquit her. At least, that’s what Eugenie Littlewhite told herself during her 15-year stay at Folsom Prison, a correction facility she of course never set foot into.

 

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Did you enjoy this story? Then why not try the 101 stories in 300 words or less in YOU’RE GETTING SLEEPY, THE HYPNOTIST’S APPRENTICE YAWNED.

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